Evanescent
by Mynt Mint
Summary: Sam reveals his traumatic experience at his old boarding school, sharing his past and his old boyfriend. Now his new boyfriend, Puck, must try to convince him that he is worth loving, as well as trying to overcome his own demons. Sequel to Drunken Lust.
1. Origin

_Only you hold the answer deep within your own mind_

_For the umpteenth time Sam abandoned his attempt at learning to completely disregard the exercises on his desk. He sighed. Physics was the poster class for unnecessary, boring classes. And yet there he was, elbow deep in ionic compounds and covalent bonds. To pass the time he did what he always did: survey the class and see if anyone was actually absorbing any of this crap._

_And of course, Manuel was scribbling answers so fast it seemed like his pen would catch alight. Sitting in the throne of a front seat, he raked in Mr. Oblivy's approval like a father's pride. Luckily, that distraction was cover for Tim and his group of goons at the back, scratching their names onto their desks. Next to them Derek was participating in a less anarchic act - drooling onto his desk as he slept. Gross._

_Then Sam noticed another boy, mirroring his stare. He winked coyly, smiling as he turned away. Sam blinked in confusion. But before he had time to translate the silent conversation the bell rang, and the din shifted his thoughts onto lunch._

* * *

_Sam sat alone in the cafeteria, waiting for his friends to slide into their usual seats as he picked at his fries. He didn't notice someone slip into the seat adjacent to him until they loudly cleared their throat. It was the same guy as before - the one who winked at him in class. Immediately after noticing his presence, Sam felt a blush creep onto his cheeks._

_"Hey," he said, in a voice so naturally sultry it couldn't be taken as anything but seductive. "I'm Sebastian."_

_"Sam," Sam replied, shaking the proffered hand. "Nice to meet you."_

_"You too." For some reason, Sam felt like he was on display for the boy. Sebastians narrowed, amorous eyes, his idling stance, that one eyebrow that was raised in appraisal, the fact he was playing a one-sided game of footsie under the table. And for some reason, Sam felt empathetic embarrassment for him, and couldn't bring himself to make him stop. Sebastian's head darted to the left, then he jumped up. "I'll see you later," he said, not waiting for a reply. Sam watched him leave, head tilting in thought. His friends came shortly after, and he greeted them with the usual masculine rowdiness, quickly settling into thought afterwards._

_Sam felt something unmistakable when he had talked to Sebastian. He couldn't quite grasp it, and it was veiled by his inexperience with relationships, but he thought he could relate the feeling to... a crush? The thought shook Sam up somewhat - having not liked anyone to suddenly liking a guy. He had never considered himself gay, but thinking back he hadn't enjoyed talking about girls like he should have. As cliche as it is, Sam had always known there was one defining factor of his life that made him different from most of the people he met. He didn't know what it was, but it would constantly cloud his thoughts, pointing out the differences that only he possessed. As subtle as they were, at least now he can put a name to it: homosexuality._

_He thought it was almost comedic how quick and resolute it seemed to him. Sam's gay, tada! Not much pizzazz, if he was to be honest, but that's just how it was. A whole disruptive period of bi curiosity and identity issues seemed like too much trouble when immediate self-acceptance fitted with all the symptoms. Sam picked up his burger, deciding not to dwell on irreversible fact. For now, Sam was gay, and he crept silently back into conversation with that in mind._

* * *

_Sam walked back to his home room, surprised to see Sebastian waiting leisurely against the entrance. He pushed off the wall when he caught sight of Sam, and walked to meet him._

_"Hey," he greeted, quietly but clearly. "Follow me." He looked left, then right, then walked briskly down the hall, indifferent to his follower. Sam gathered a sense of secrecy from his tone, and followed with a curious expression. Turning a corner Sam faced an empty corridor. T__he blonde halted for a moment, seemingly lost before a hand shot swiftly from a janitor's closet and dragged him inside._

_"Hey," Sebastian greeted again. The tone and position of his body so close to Sam's revealed this to be his intended greeting - alluring and teasing._

_Sam backed against the wall, obviously uncomfortable. "W-What do you think you're doing?"_

_Sebastian paused, an agitated crease denting his brow. "You're gay, aren't you?"_

_Sam shrugged. "I don't know."_

_Sebastian sighed, raising an eyebrow. He forced his lips on Sam, using an art he long ago perfected. He came up for air with the same question. "You're gay, aren't you?"_

_This time Sam conceded, blushing. "Kinda."_

* * *

Miss Pillsbury blinked multiple times, trying to connect the dots in her head.

"Sam," she began, "Are you telling me-" she glanced at Puck "-us, that you were- that you..." she failed to find appropriate words, allowing Sam to finish her sentence.

"That I had a boyfriend? Yeah." He tried to say it as calmly as he could, but his whole being cringed at the fact. His voice broke on his last word, and his legs shook with trepidation.

Miss Pillsbury folded a ginger curl behind her ear, smiling gently. "I take it not many people know?" Sam bit his lip, shaking his head. "Well, thank you for telling me such a personal truth. I'll remind you that everything you say in this office is confidential." She turned to face Puck, who had otherwise tuned out. "I hope you respect that." The implied accusation seemed to sober Puck, and he replied without a roll of his eyes.

"Got it," he said, and Miss Pillsbury seemed uncomfortable with his lack of empathy.

"Puck, do you have anything to say to Sam?" At Puck's blank expression, she added, "Maybe something to do with what he just said?"

Puck looked at Sam, who stared down sheepishly, as if he actually was under scrutinization. Puck softened, deciding to play along. "Uh, thanks for telling me that you're gay. I, uh, still respect you and everything." Luckily, Miss Pillsbury misinterpreted their smirks as an exchange of friendship, and interlocked her fingers on her table in accomplishment.

"Wonderful! Now, I'd like to continue this session in a couple of days, but for now I think I've taken enough out of your class time. Say, Friday?"


	2. Anything For You

Song (in case you want to hear it too):  watch?v=lS_FrBsM9m4

* * *

Sam and Puck sat nestled together on Puck's Nana's trampoline. They were alone in the backyard, and their combined weight forced them into a small concave. After the hundreds of attempted somersaults it seemed like a nice way to cool down.

"So, that was a lot of venting with Miss Pillsbury," Puck said, stroking the hair on Sam's head, which was laid conveniently on his chest.

"Yeah," Sam sighed.

"...There was more to the story, wasn't there?"

Sam shifted his weight, nervous.

"Why didn't you say it?"

Sam rolled off Puck, sitting cross legged beside him. "I don't know... It's embarrassing?"

Puck's brow creased. "Embarrassing how?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "I guess you could say... I was 'charmed'." He look down, quirking his lips. "I fell for all the tricks in the book, and was left out to dry. It should be obvious why I don't like to talk about it."

Puck pulled him back down into his arms, squeezing him tight. "Well, tell me what you fell for so I can get some ideas." Sam giggled, but quickly sobered.

"It wasn't like that."

Puck sat up, releasing Sam from his arms. "Then what was it like?"

Sam paused, extremely hesitant. Conflicting feelings battled inside him, trying to get him to simultaneously spill his guts and keep everything under the covers. In the end, the former feelings won.

* * *

I'd give anything to give me to you

Can you forget the world that you thought you knew?

_Sam waited next to the door of Sebastian's homeroom, waiting for him to walk out. He leaned against the doorframe, looking cool. The next second Sebastian came out, the bang of the door so loud Sam jumped and slid unceremoniously to the floor._

"_Hey," Sam coughed, frustrated at his futile attempts of seduction. _

"_Hey," Sebastian replied. Sam didn't understand the tired tone, and followed Sebastian down the hallway._

"_How've you been?" Sam asked, his eagerness only irritating Sebastian more._

"_Still good, considering you asked me that last night," he muttered. He walked fast, ignoring Sam trying to match his pace. He stopped abruptly and Sam walked into him. "Look," Sebastian said, trying to be calm despite his shaking hands, "What do you think's going on between us?"_

_Sam took the moment abruptly, lost for words. He simply opened and closed his mouth, hands up, affronted. He shrunk in on himself. "I-I don't know. Almost dating, kinda? I guess."_

_Sebastian let out a cold laugh that gave Sam a withered look. "_Dating? _You think we're dating? All we did was make out for like, three days! How could you possible call that dating?"_

_Sam looked down and pouted. "I dunno."_

_Sebastian placed a hand on Sam's shoulder and sighed. He felt Sam tense under his touch. "We're just friends with benefits," he waited for eye contact, "Is that okay, Sam?"_

_Sam stared into hazel eyes, seeing the reflection of his face from them. He looked borderline pathetic, so he steeled his trembling lip and strengthened his reserve. "Okay," he replied, so glad his voice didn't brake._

"_Awesome." The grin he received in return was enough to melt him. "I'll get in touch soon, okay?"_

* * *

"What a dick," Puck interrupted, neglecting to mention the number of chicks he had led on with the same method and waiting with a sympathetic ear.

"I know," Sam laughed. "There still is more to the story, if you're interested."

Puck rolled onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows and kicking his legs. "Please, continue."

* * *

If you want me

Come and find me

Nothing's stopping you

So please release me

_Several cautious make-out sessions later, Sebastian led Sam into the janitors locker yet again. But this time, when Sam stepped over a bucket for a kiss his lips met a single finger. "Wait just one sec," Sebastian said, and Sam complied. "Let's talk about something first."_

"_If it's about my mouth I've told you: I don't know what collagen is."_

"_It's not that," Sebastian smiled, laughing a little. "I just thought that it'd be fun to be... exclusive?"_

_Sam smiled, beside himself. "Was that a question or a statement?"_

"_Don't be a dick," Sebastian joked, waiting for an answer._

"_Well, okay then. I guess we're exclusive," Sam decided._

_And with an eye the glinted with what Sam assumed was adoration, Sebastian closed the distance between them._

I'll believe all your lies

Just pretend you love me

Make believe, close your eyes

I'll be anything for you

* * *

_Later that night, Sam lay sleepless in his dorm. He tossed and turned, too overcome by infatuation to rest. He only hoped his roommates didn't misinterpret all his shuffling as late-night masturbation. Oh well._

_He didn't care because he _had a boyfriend. _A secret boyfriend, but a boyfriend nonetheless. Sam was a little confused at how just a week before he had been labelled as just an outlet of sexual frustration, as humiliating that was (what with his feelings and all), but that had been replaced with pure and utter joy. He couldn't quite explain the numerous butterflies he felt in his stomach, but let's just say the mawkish sentiment in all the romantic comedies finally seemed justifiable._

Nothing left to make me feel any more

There's only you and every day I need more

_Despite his premonition that he was starting to fit the role of the needy dependant partner, Sam allowed himself his fangirl behaviour just this once - after all, it was his _first_ boyfriend. Not even Tristans sonorous snoring could alter his state. Hopefully Sebastian would reciprocate his enthusiasm anyway._

_And apparently he did, because the door slowly creaked open to reveal a looming silhouette. _

"_Sam?" Sebastian called. In a second Sam jumped from his bed, landing cat-like on the carpet and rushing out the room. He quietly closed the door, and the two sat alone in Sam's common room, illuminated by only the stripe of moonlight seeping in through the curtains._

"_What are you doing here?" Sam whispered, torn between staring at his boyfriend and the dormitory door. "Curfew ended hours ago! You're going to get in so much trouble."_

_Sebastian grinned. "You mean we."_

_With that, Sebastian grabbed Sam by the hand and led him through the winding corridors (tiptoeing past the teachers quarters), to one of the old fire exits. Sam slapped Sebastian's hand as he went to push it open._

"_Are you stupid?" He gaped, "These things are alarmed." _

_Sebastian replied with only a smug expression and slowly opened the door. "Correction. These things are _supposed_ to be alarmed. You think it's the first time I've gone out this way?" He walked through the door and held out his hand. "Come on."_

_Sam looked back down the deserted hall before reaching out to grasp Sebastian's hand. The two shared a loving moment of connection before Sam was unceremoniously yanked through the doorway. Seconds later they were running together, hand in hand down the pavement, to stop only once surrounded by a field of trees._

"_We're going to get into so much trouble..." Sam said, unable to hide his grin._

_Sebastian scoffed. "Please, I've done this heaps of times. Never been caught."  
_

_Sam sat down, patting the spot next to him. "Never?"_

"_Never." Sebastian repeated, sitting on the grass next to Sam. They rested their backs on the tree behind them and stared into the density of the black forest._

_Sam began pulling at the grass, yanking it from its roots. "So, guessing you couldn't sleep either?"_

_Sebastian sighed. "Nah, too much happened today to sleep."_

"_I feel ya." The two sat in silence for the briefest of moments, only the chirps of nearby crickets indication the world hadn't frozen, until Sam spoke again. "Wanna make out?"_

"_Obviously." And so, in the most informal manner, the two smashed their lips together in a force cushioned by Sebastian's tongue. For minutes, they kissed passionately, with all the fervor they had become accustomed to over the last week, until their cheeks were red and lips puffed._

"_Hold up," Sam said, resting his head against tree. "Let me catch my breath."_

_Sebastian rolled his eyes, and played with the grass. "Amatuer." His hand made contact with a sharp stone, and he grasped it. "I have an idea," he said, turning his body to face the tree trunk. Sam looked on with vivid curiosity (mostly at how Sebastian's arms would tense, and all the sinewy muscle would become visible every time he struck the tree), clueless as to his boyfriend's intentions. Moving his head so his view involved more than just tricep, he saw a heart, carved ragged yet sentimental. Inside, as predicted the initials 'S.E. + S.S' were embedded in the circle. Pretty quick carving. "Sorry if it's too.. forward," Sebastian apologized._

I'll become your earth and sky

Forever never die

I'll be everything you need

"_No," Sam replied, effulgent, "It's great." At least now he knew he wasn't going overboard with his feelings. The simple heart was perfect - initials picayune to others but an augury for the couple themselves. Sam reached his arm around Sebastian's neck and pulled him in for another kiss, a way of saying 'thanks.' What this kiss lacked in length it doubled in emotion. When Sam pulled away, his vision was full of hazel. "Should we go to bed now? I'm tired."_

"_Yeah, same," Sebastian agreed, seeming a little lost for words._

I'll believe all your lies

Just pretend you love me

Make believe, close your eyes

I'll be anything for you

* * *

"Wow," Puck whistled, "I can see why he was trouble."

Sam tried to disguise his dissettlement with a laugh. "You'll see soon - but now it's late,  
he stared at the moon and the now vibrant stars juxtaposed against the dark sky. "Let's go inside." Puck jumped up and off the trampoline, his gravity rolling Sam over.

"Well, you'll have plenty of time to tell me while you sleep over," Puck retorted, running inside. Sam sighed. He didn't feel right, separated from his family for so long, but they were encouraging, and he guessed they would enjoy the extra space around the motel. "Nana's gone out somewhere, but she left us some Matzo Ball Soup!" Puck called, leaving Sam to wonder how he had gotten to the kitchen so fast.


	3. Bleed (I must be dreaming)

Ah! I'm so sorry guys, for not uploading for so long, and then again for updating with only a teensy bit - but this year isn't the best for me in terms of hobbyist writing. Anywho, I have the next chapter (which is barely 1,000 words) ready. It took me awhile to edit, because believe it or not it looked even worse than it does now. Enjoy!

If you would like to listen to the song it is Bleed (I must be Dreaming) by Evanescence: watch?v=QRzbwFdu1rc

* * *

_How can I pretend that I don't see_

_What you hide so carelessly?_

_I saw him bleed_

_You heard me breathe_

_And I froze inside myself_

_And turned away_

_I must be dreaming..._

* * *

Puck and Sam sat together, perched in front of the TV. They only had the box on for light, and were paying no attention to the actual screen. Puck, with his comforting bowl of soup, yet again prompted Sam to recount his past relationship with Sebastian, it being much more entertaining than The Deadliest Catch. Letting his spoon clatter down to his empty bowl, Sam finally acquiesced.

"Fine," he sighed, "Get comfortable."

* * *

If Sam had any doubt of his sexuality before, he could safely say that he was gay now. Well, not literally - though nothing was officially disclosed, it seems the general consensus towards homosexuality was one of negativity. Don't talk about it, or else you are it. Which is why Sam gingerly mentioned the subject with his friends at lunch.

"I'm just saying," he said, stabbing at his lunch, "There's so many people in this school. It's hard to think there's not one person who's not... different."

"That's highly unlikely," Blaine agreed from his place next to Sam. "But it's none of our business if people are gay."

"Yeah," Manuel added, "If fags want to be fags, then let them be fags."

Blaine's jaw tightened. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" Manuel replied sharply, failing to miss a beat.

"I meant that people shouldn't be prosecuted for who they are." Blaine seemed to know what he was saying, or rather, what he was not saying, and said the last of his words to his tray. After that Sam felt his ravenous hunger subside, and decided it would be best to shut up.

Sam could feel the tear in his friendship group because of his outburst at lunch. Each homophobic comment uttered by Manuel had Blaine stiff with muted anger. At first it was every so often, but Manuel progressed to muttering his nuances with nearly every sentence. Sam was almost thankful for Blaine's stance, as now no one seemed to remember who brought up the subject in the first place. But he was also incredibly tired of Manuel, who seemed oblivious that his snark comments were pissing of half his friends.

Nevertheless, when Sam managed to sneak a private cuddle with Sebastian, or even just a lust fueled make out in the closet, he knew enduring the talk was all worth it. He hoped Sebastian felt the same way, but it was becoming more and more obvious that every comment and aimless denigration was taking its toll. At the end of each of their interactions Sebastian would always run away at a speed faster than his shame, not bothered to look back. It was almost saddening, how such a confident young boy was slowly fretting into a paranoid mess.

It was mostly because if this Sam felt the need to steel his reserve even more, and be an example to his boyfriend. He had a lingering feeling that it was in vain, but he could at least try.

Sam's worries were seemingly miscounted when the very next day Sebastian approached him, and revealed his plan for a secluded, romantic date for the two. It was to be just after dinner, as Friday nights students were allowed access to the outside grounds. This usually left all dorms deserted. This in mind, the two could probably share a movie together, comfortably in the space of Sebastian's four poster.

* * *

Nana Puckerman slowed her car to a stop. She was two blocks away from her destination, but with the distance came the necessary anonymity. Every streetlight was smashed, leaving only the dim moon as light. Amazingly, the fragile old lady didn't seem concerned with her well being

In fact, she emanated an aura so fear she deterred attackers by sight alone. Without the aid of a cane, she arrived at the house of her son. Sauntering quietly round the back, she adjusted her gloves and climbed through the window she knew would be open. Catlike upon her entry, she tiptoed into the kitchen. Nana produced a flashlight from her coat and, shining it across the room, gave a sharp intake of breath as she shone past a beefy silhouette. Her sleuth-like stature was no use now as the figure switched on the light, illuminating his smug grin.

"Ma," he greeted.

"Noah," Nana acknowledged stiffly.

"Care to explain why you're snooping in my kitchen?" His condescending nature did nothing to unsettle Nana's rigid frame.

"I think we both know the answer to that, Noah," she responded dryly, keeping one eye on her son and the other scanning the room. "It was you, and God as my witness I'll make sure it's known."

"Really, now?" Noah chuckled darkly. He seemed to feel he had an advantage, with more youth and agility than his mother. He edged closer, and Nana matched each of his steps forward with one backward. "With proof, I presume?" Nana bumped into the kitchen counter, and Noah smirked, as if he had anticipated this all along.

"Exactly," Nana said. With a swift hand she pulled a blunt paring knife from its rack behind her. It was stained with dried blood, and it was the realization of this, more so than brandishing the knife that made Noah stagger. Nana followed Noah's steps, now the one advancing, accentuating her words by slashing the air between them. "Your pathetic drunken rages, and all that they cost. Don't you see what you've done, you nearly killed your son, and you were so drunk you replaced the weapon amongst perfectly clean kitchen knives." Nana backed Noah away, a long enough distance so she could flee back to her window and slip through without fear of retribution. "Just think about what you've done, and then you'll see what you have to do." With that, she slammed the window and walked back to her vehicle, knife hidden just under her coat.

* * *

"Well, was that it?" Puck asked, twirling his spoon between his fingers. Sam didn't answer, but instead gazed absently at the tv. It wasn't even on anymore. Puck's expression softened, and he scrunched closer until their thighs were touching. He placed one arm cautiously around his boyfriend, and spoke softly in his ear.

"I know you've had bad experiences with relationships in the past. And even know though I probably can't understand the pain you went through, I can promise that you won't feel that way with me. I can promise that I will be a good boyfriend. I can promise that I will protect you, and never do what Sebastian did. I will promise those things. I do promise all those things."

The emotional assurance finally ripped Sam's attention from the tv. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears which he blinked back with a sniffle. "You promise?"

Puck answered with a hug so tight he could link his arms behind Sam's back. "I promise, babe."

Sam didn't answer, but fitted into the grooves of Pucks body and, content to just feel the contrast of their heartbeats, stayed there.

* * *

Even though Nana reached home in the early hours of the morning, Sam and Puck were still cuddled together on the couch, snoring in synchronization. When Nana discovered this, there was no attempt to separate them. Instead, she grabbed a blanket from her room and wrapped it around them. She gently kissed Puck's forehead, then Sam's. Then, and only then, did realization strike.

She pulled the bloody knife from her jacket and raised it to eye level. There was no doubt about it. It was the weapon that nearly took her grandson away. The sharp, glinting tip had cut both skin and relations in a way that time could never truly heal.

They were targets. As long as she had that knife, and her son was aware of it, they were targets. He could come back at any second. This thought was only a recent one, but it forced Nana into passive action, bolting all the doors and locking all the windows. She wouldn't have minded if she was alone - but she was caring for two teenagers. And since both were just rising from a downward spiral, she took every precaution to ensure they did not feel this unneeded torment. Nana entered her bedroom and changed into her puce nightgown, already contemplating the morning as she slipped into bed.


End file.
